Chapter 1

My Reflection: What can be done or said to ease this awkwardness, ambivalence, or initial uncertainty?

First of all I think cultural literacy is really important here. As supported by As Fialka, Feldman and Mikus (2012), I think you need to be careful about using acronyms and content-specific language that lay people don’t usually understand; no one likes to talked down to, so speak in a way that makes sense given who you’re speaking to. I think you have to start from a place of patience and focus on all the positives, even as you bring up issues. Make sure to ask them what their experience of their child is and to make it clear that you value what they have to share. I always try to point out that by working together their child will have such an incredible amount of support. I also make it clear that I am genuinely happy and excited about getting to know their child myself. 

My Reflection: What can professionals and parents do and say to acknowledge and ease some of the awkwardness of these initial meetings?

I think it is best to talk to parents like peers you are excited to get to know and learn from. You can also verbally acknowledge the range of feelings one could have in this situation and that it isn’t abnormal to feel hesitant. I think it’s important to be friendly, but to not overwhelm parents with your energy. I also think it’s important to highlight concepts that are evidence-based (and therefore more convincing) without diving into full-on scholarship. Again as I mentioned earlier, cultural literacy is a must in these situations. 

If I remember one thing from my reading about the parent-professional partnership and the dance metaphor, it is that it doesn’t make sense to expect a dance partnership to be perfect right away, so why do we expect that from our partnership development with parents? There are many things to consider: Do both parties want to start this dance? Who asked whom? Do we know different styles of dance? What kind of dance will we be most successful at together? How do we figure that out? What we do know is that figuring all this out takes time and patience, but at the end of the day something beautiful can come out of it, something that is truly the product of all parties, that becomes more fluid and natural continually. 

My Reflection: Think about a time in your own personal life when you felt strongly about a situation. Describe the circumstances. What did you want to have happen? What was underlying that desire—what values, dreams, past history, and expectations? What did you want the other person to understand about your perspective?

This year I decided I wanted to move from my hometown of NYC to Burlington, VT, a city I’ve adored for many years and is actually where my partner is from/where his family still is. My family had just gone through a difficult year, including my parents going through a nasty divorce and my father (who my partner and I are very close to) moving in with us and our animals. I knew my father would be happier out of the city and I couldn’t stop thinking about how I could still pursue Special Education up in Vermont while getting to be in a chill, very affordable city, that is close to my partner’s family and to both urban and rural life. Very recently in the city with everything that had been going on, I had mainly felt like I was always working and recovering from working. I started looking forward to a calmer life in Burlington and being able to visit NYC on my free time when I could really enjoy it. My partner was originally hesitant because I had previously shown no interest in leaving NYC ANY time soon or ever. He wanted to make sure this was something that I really wanted and that it was the best for our family, which was fair because I wanted him to feel confident about those things too. It took time to walk him through the pros and cons, but eventually his excitement started to bubble out. It was something he didn’t realize he’d be so happy about, the opportunity to blend his life in VT from before he met me and his life with me in NYC. Now we both have jobs in the Special Education field lined up in VT. Our lease in signed and we move in August 4th. Our whole little family could not be more pumped about this move! We know it’s the right thing for us. 

My Reflection: Describe three feelings that the parents are experiencing and three feelings that the professionals are experiencing. Identify some of the interests and values influencing or shaping the two different opinions about where Josie should be next year—from both the parents’ and the professionals’ perspectives.

Josie’s Parents:

1. They probably feel upset that these professionals think they know better about the kind of environment their daughter should be in next year and that they aren’t being open-minded. 
2. They probably don’t feel like the professionals are really listening to them. 
3. They probably feel like they don’t want something so “different” for their daughter and that she deserves the school experience that their other children got. They have a hard time imagining the professionals ever letting Josie have the “normal” experience they want for her. 

Professionals:

1. They probably feel upset that these parents think they know better about the kind of environment their daughter should be in next year and that they aren’t being open-minded.
2. They probably don’t feel like the parents are really listening to them.
3. They probably feel like there is absolutely nothing wrong with something “different” for Josie because they believe that where they’ll be sending her she’ll be getting all the services she deserves and the school experiences that best prepare her for her future. They’re not saying that she can never be in a general education setting; it’s just not the best for her now. 

My Reflection: Now that you’ve reviewed the list of possible next “dance steps,” take 10 minutes to write a dialogue—a conversation between the parent and the school psychologist. Free-write what each might say. Follow up with one suggestion you’d make to both the parent and professional for the next steps in working through this impasse.

School Psychologist: We are very proud of all the growth Aidan has made both academically and socially this year in his is 12:1:1 classroom.

Parent: I’m happy to hear that. Now that he’s made this progress, he can go back to a general education class next year?

School Psychologist: As much as Aidan has grown, we do think it’s been a result of the services he has received and the self-contained placement that occurred once he got is IEP.

Parent: But he seems so much better. I think he could be in one of those regular classes. 

School Psychologist: We don’t think it’s the right time to take away the supports that have led to his success. 

—————

Suggestion to the Professional: Define IEP. Sympathize with the parent’s feelings. Show them evidence of his growth. Explain what kind of regression can happen if he moves out of his services/his least restrictive setting too soon. Emphasize that this does not mean he’ll have to be in a self-contained setting forever and that every year we can discuss if it’s the right time. Emphasize that you just want the best for Aidan and his family. 

Suggestion to the Parent: Ask why. Listen and be open to the answers, especially if they come from evidence/data because that’s your child making the argument for you, not the professional. Ask the professional if they understand where you are coming from. Internally, consider why you want them in a “regular” class so badly. If your child is happier and more successful right now, why do you want to take away things that currently helping him? Also, remember that students do not have to stay in self-contained settings forever. 

My Recollection: If I remember only one thing from my reading about the phase of “Colliding and Campaigning,” it is that during this period it can be very hard to put one’s ego to the side and realize that this isn’t about winning over the other party, so they think like you. It’s about coming together to form a new understanding. 

My Recollection: If I remember only one thing from my reading about Cooperating and Compromising, it is that both parties won’t always be happy in this stage, but at least they will feel respected and proof of continued progress will start to go a long way.

My Recollection: If I remember only one thing from my reading about Creative Partnering and Collaborating, it is that this is the goal, but you cannot expect it to happen right away. To get to this point you need patience, trust, and the ability to feel safe. During this phase, new understandings are constantly being developed and plans are continuing to be adjusted based off of data and the experience of all parties (the professionals, the parents, and the student/child in question).