Chapter 2 addresses the hidden lyrics in the songs we dance to in this analogy. As Fialka, Feldman and Mikus (2012) supports, it is easy for these hidden thoughts/wants/desires/worries go unarticulated and unaddressed; there’s a reason they weren’t expressed fully in the first place. Maybe one of the parties isn’t conscious of these worries or maybe they are conscious, but they are too nervous to bring it up. The reasons can be endless. These hidden lyrics can cause stress and misunderstandings if there isn’t enough awareness and sensitivity in the partnership. To me this indicates that part of being a member of a strong partnership is having the ability to be vulnerable sometimes, so that those many aspects of awareness can be developed.
Personally, as an actor-director, this makes me think of the ever-important concept of subtext. I even once wrote a 10-minute play where there were actors who said the “lines” and other actors playing the same character who spoke the subtext. The truth is it is common to say one thing while thinking and feeling something entirely else underneath. I believe developing a strong partnership built on trust and patience avoids this.
My Reflections on The Story of Sam:
Scene 1:
This scene highlighted the overwhelmingness of the whole process for parents with all the tests, the different providers/appointments etc. It’s important to think about what that parent has gone through before they sat down in the meeting with you. It is natural for a parent to want to know why their child is different and what their future will be like, but the truth is we do not know all the answers to their questions. All we know is what research has taught us and the tools research has provided. We want to help; we want to use all our knowledge and resources to do so, but it’s natural to worry that the parents won’t see the benefits fast enough. It’s important to make sure parents get to share their full perspectives. We must be sensitive, but we also must be honest. We’re causing harm instead of doing good when we avoid the truth. The truth can be wrapped in the prettiest package, but it still has be the truth or we’re not doing our jobs and we’re putting that family/child at a disadvantage.
Scene 2:
In Scene 2, the overwhelmingness continues. The parents are filled with doubt, self-blame, and the constant feelings of wanting to do the right thing and wanting their child to do the right thing. Parents take so much of this personally and the resulting discomfort can keep crucial perspectives and information from being known. We have to let parents know that not only is it okay for them to share, but we need them to share. They are experts on their children and they should get to feel that way, while also learning to recognize and appreciate our relative and useful expertises. The truth is we don’t mean to be terrifying and we don’t mean for our words of comfort to aggravate instead. We wish we could tell families what they want to hear all the time, but we can’t. What we can do is openly share our appreciation for their child, for their uniqueness, their strengths, and their interests. We have to remind the parents their child having ASD or any disability is NOT their fault and these tests aren’t judging their parenting skills or who their child is. These tests help determine what their child needs.
Scene 3:
In Scene 3, we witness some of the grieving process associated with the loss of a dream. In this case, the dream was about what they thought parenting would like like and what they thought Sam’s life would look like as well. While we grow up with many visible models of what grieving looks like, we don’t often have many visible models of this kind of grief, so it can be even harder to know how to handle it or what help to get. This is where our understanding is so crucial. We have to let parents know that they are not alone, even if we’re the ones seen as the bearers of bad news. As educational professionals, we care so much and the parents need to be shown that. They need affirmations that they’re doing the right thing for their child (Fialka, Feldman & Mikus, 2012). Part of that is doing our jobs right and making sure every move we make is the most likely to benefit their child. Again, both sensitivity and honesty are important here.
Scene 4:
The main take away here is that sometimes to help you have to hurt. Life changing news is hard for those receiving it and often those sharing it. Despite our best intentions, this kind of meeting is never going to pleasant. There will be pain and maybe even tears, but I believe it is our job as educational professionals to try and plant a seed of hope as well. Yes this is overwhelming, but these things have been overcome before. Progress can be achieved, especially with honest and constructive feedback moving forward between parties.
Scene 5:
This scene highlighted just how little understanding families can have about disabilities and how that can hurt their ability to act like a support system. Unfortunately, those who are struggling with or adjusting to some kind of disability in their lives may not get the support they need from people you’d think they could expect it from. That is why as professionals the support and understanding we offer is so valuable and crucial. The work we do is not void of emotion. We are going to have feelings. We are going to care and we are going to fight for our students and families.
Scene 6:
My main take away: With time, patience, education, action and reflection…things can and often will get better.
My Reflections on the Story of Rachel
From the beginning, the background of Rachel’s story reminds me of many students/families I have met or worked with. One thing that is particularly familiar is how strong decoding skills can distract from comprehension problems.
Scene 1 and 2:
Two feelings that jump out from Scene 1 are the following: 1. surprise (because sometimes symptoms aren’t always so easy to see) and 2. the anxiety of wanting to know what’s “wrong” and not wanting to know at the same time.
However, the main takeaway from Scene 1 and 2 is something I always come back to… BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR LANGUAGE AND VOCABULARY! Watch how fast you’re talking. Give time for processing and encourage ANY KIND of question. You must explain what terms really mean in a non-condescending tone. Don’t use a bunch of acronyms and content-specific vocabulary that you only know because you majored in education and work professionally in the field. You can slowly teach those over time and over many meetings if you want. Also pay attention to when the parents might start to look like they’re “shutting down” or not listening anymore. You don’t have to cover everything in one meeting, but do reflect on how you could support longer more productive conversations with those parents in the future.
Scene 3:
In just two weeks, Rachel’s parents are able to feel more confident in the situation thanks to receiving education and being connected to new support systems.
This scene also brings me back to the idea of language, especially language that can be upsetting. Instead of saying Rachel failed to improve, which puts the blame on Rachel, it would be better to try and remember to say something like the applied interventions failed to meet Rachel’s needs for improvement.
Another thing this scene brings to mind is the importance of reminding people that there has been a lot of growth in the special education field and in special education law over the past few decades and that previous negative notions one had about what receiving special education services is like should be reconsidered.
Another note: Sometimes big broad questions can be overwhelming and more specific questions are needed to get answers.
Lastly, this scene reminded me of Josie’s parents from Chapter 1. Unlike the scene we were shown with the Lopez family where it cuts off in the middle of the upset, this scene allowed us to see the team work through the disagreement and actually come to a shared conclusion. It was beneficial to see how that IEP meeting worked out with the help of some well thought out compromise.
Scene 4:
I believe Scene 4 shows an example of the creative partnering and collaborating phase. It starts with a wonderful change of energy from the mother. Her daughter’s increased confidence is being recognized and so is the work they’re doing with her at home! It was also nice to see how the pre-IEP phone call helped ease anxiety. The scene also shows what it’s like for parents and educational professionals to feel on the same page and to witness their partnership grow stronger. I think frequent, clear communication that targeted issues before they became problems helped this happen.
Angie D'Amico's Reflections 