My Reflection: Think of a time in your own life when you experienced someone else’s anger. Where were you? What did you instantly feel? What did you do or not do?
When I was little and on my grandfather’s farm in Pennsylvania. I had been walking around the property and somehow ended up playing with the tractor’s gas cap. Without really knowing what it was, I unscrewed it and left the cap right to the side of the opening. I walked away thinking nothing of it. A couple hours later, my grandfather stormed into the house enraged yelling about which one of the grandkids had done it. He questioned each of us separately and his message about safety was totally trumped by his terrifying anger. I immediately did not feel like this was a safe place to be open and honest. I was a child who NEVER lied, but that anger had really affected me. It was a secret I even kept from my parents until I was a bit older.
My Reflection: List the feelings that the mother (Shirley MacLain in Terms of Endearment) is experiencing at this moment:
- Empathy for her daughter
- Pain (From empathizing with her daughter, From her own feelings about her daughter’s illness)
- Desperation
- Helplessness
- A strong urge to advocate
- Urgency
- The need to be understood.
- Feeling that things are unfair.
- Not understanding why the nurse doesn’t have the same urgency.
- Not understanding why the nurse doesn’t see how much of a priority this is.
After the outburst, those feelings are at least momentarily overshadowed by embarrassment and gratitude.
My Recollection: If I remember only one thing from my reading about understanding anger is that it can be fueled by someone’s love and devotion; it can also be a mask for worry, desperation, helplessness, frustration, fear, sadness, and feelings of being misunderstood.
My Reflection: What are your thoughts about how Diane’s communicated with D.J.’s mother?
I am really moved by it. By sending those judgement-free bi-weekly notes with examples of her son’s work and/or clippings/articles/books that may have been of interest her, she was able to keep giving D.J.’s mother chances to respond or be involved without real pressure. Also, whatever was stopping D.J.’s mom from being in communication with school professionals had not stopped her from getting to learn about her son’s progress or from receiving relevant resources. Some people take longer to learn how to dance than others… and by the end of the year Mrs. Gibbs may have only learned to put a foot on the dance floor… but progress is progress. I will definitely be thinking about this example as I deal with these kinds of parents in the future.
My Reflection: Write a brief note to a parent or professional partner sharing something you valued or appreciate about him or her.
Dear Mr. Moreno,
It was a pleasure to get to meet with you this week! I wanted to thank you for your input on Jaiden’s in-school and at-home behavior plans. It has been really insightful to see how Jaiden is doing at home, so thank you for sending the filled out data sheets with him to school. We’re only a few days in and I already feel like I have learned so much more about him. I hope you’re enjoying reading the filled out sheets and notes that I have been sending home as well! If you’d ever like to set up a phone call or an in person meeting before our next scheduled one, please do not hesitate to reach out. Wishing you and your family the best as always.
Sincerely,
Ms. D’Amico
Final Reflection: I have enjoyed every word of this book and I believe it’s been my favorite assigned text of my time at UTPB. It’s real, honest, practical, ethical, understanding, empathetic, deliberate and filled with inspiration to be kind and patient with both yourself and others. I greatly look forward to applying all that I’ve learned to my current and future partnerships as well as sharing this information with others.
Angie D'Amico's Reflections 